Friday, September 30, 2005
Haha ok this is really really spasticatedly retarded lol i actually celebrated Hilarys birthday ahha im like such a total loser lol...well urm i bought her a tiny slice of blackforest cake which totally was bad its disgusting sorry Hilary i didnt know it would taste so bad..and i had a candle..So urm yeah i was all happy that day and it was a thursday and i love thursdays my fav day of the week(casue there's lost and the oc..but not anymore cause both shows are either finished or going to finish damn!) so urm yeah..i was soo happy..i even sang her a song and everything and i ate the cake hahaa ok its really dumb but i did have fun..tho i celebrated it one day later cause i had work that day and stuff..so yeah i was too lazy and tired to. Oh i also found out that on her birthday, it was officially one year that she released her self-titled album Hilary Duff so i kinda celebrated that too seeing that this album is my favouritest album in the whole entier world cause it rocks more than anything else in this world so yeah im really happy but i feel soo weird hahah cause im like a freak, an obsessive fan but who cares its only once a year and i dont think i would do it ever again ahha well thats the last of my Hilaryness hahaa so yeah i must as well end it there..but i'll still love her music and what she does and the many charity work that she does as an ambassadar and yeah i'll still look up to her as a role model in life im just not gonna be soo obsessive anymore..
Hilary i'll love you always
Happy Birthday!
Monday, September 26, 2005
Ok my life is in a total wreck right now..everything is going wrong all at the same time..first of all i dont get to watch the oc anymore cause its finished ): and i just got back all my results and i didnt do too well...i got back my piano results and it sucked soo badly its the worst i've ever done in piano and im disappointed in myself..i got back my school results too and yes i did really badly as well and im really sad cause i dont know maybe its just that my expectations are soo high and yet i dont work as hard as im supposed to and thats why i dont see the results and i get upset with myself because i dont work hard enough or becuase i dont get results that i want to get but thats not the point im just really sad..and i just found out about something that the person i like said and it really is a major blow towards me and im damn freaking upset now and i dont know what to do anymore casue im trying not to like the person anymore but the person said something so stupid and i dont know i just cant take it anymore its freaking me out and its killing me..and everytime i come online i feel soo jaded and dejected i just dont know why...and i've been losing so much weight and i dont know why either i;ve been eating normally and yet im still losing so much which is bad...sigh my life just sucks right now im wishing that i could just fly away and never come back...somtimes i just feel like killing myself...
Saturday, September 24, 2005
First of all..WWWWWWTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF?????????????????what the heck why was thursday the season finale?how come i didnt know omg that soo sucks im telling you what the heck i totally cant believe it this is crap shit i tell you! how could they do this tome?i love the oc alot!It sucks ok!stupid stupid tv! they should show the oc on cable im sure they'd have better urm what do you call that?ok nvm it doenst matter at least if its on cable there'd be reapeats and i can watch them over and over again! stupid sutpid stupid!argh im pissed ok now lettme talk to you about the show lol..
Omg it was really really sad...i cant believe it ended..and yes...i was really sad when they did an intervention..i was like whoa i cant beleive they are doing it and i dont know i was really really sad...and did i say that Haylie looks hot?hahah she does..and urm when Ryan spoke i was kinda shocked cause that proves that he loves Kirsten alot and he treats her like his own mother..oooobig shocker there..haha anyways it was a sad episode basically and the ending was adrupt..unfortunately Ryan found out about what Trey did to Marissa and obviously Ryan was pissed they were fighting and bla bla bla..Marissa came in shouted at them to stop and bang she shot Trey...i was like omg she's gonna die hahaa...and yeah Seth and Summer(HOOOOT girl ahah) come in and it ended..it was sad..tragic in fact shit i can never spell tragic i dont know how to spell this word..ok nvm so yeah i want the oc back i need the oc i wanna watch the oc stupid tv!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I think today was one of the best days of my life ok maybe not the best but one of them lol i keep making these sweeping statements about my life that arent even true lol...ok well i went to see the doctor today to get my medicine for my skin casue it was running out..i went home and on the way i decided to go cut my hair and stuff cause the last time i went the lady did a bad job with my hair lol which was just like what a few days ago..Anyways when i went there it was closed and i wasnt a little bit surprised casue it was like what 8:30am?who'd open so early so i decided to go home and i was feeling a little hungry so i went to get the only thing that i love at McDonalds haha SausageMcMuffin ahha i hate McDonalds by the way i think it sucks..but i just love that so yeah i started eating and i havent been doing that for a long time as in just treating myself to something nice casue i've been saving like crazy and anyways i always dont feel like eating anything now..but i ate and i was really happy lol...so i went to sleep and stuff..
I decided to listen to this radio thing on itunes and i was soo happy cause they played such nice songs on the radio not crappy ones..right now they are playing Like You - Bow Wow feat Ciara love ciara...and yaeh so its really cool! Anyways i decided to go cut my hair and stuff so i went and YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSs i got it for free haha the auntie was soo nice im telling you she rocks man haha cause the other lady did a bad job so she tried to rectify it i guess lol..and its good rocks! ok and i bought more food back ahah yay i love eating!!!!!!!YYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS im back the guy who eats alot man i really need to get back to 59kg haha its terrible now...so yeah im just soo happy now and finally after soo long im on the verge of forgetting that person already i dont like the person as much as i used to! which is soo good! and yeah i hope that we can be friends now..i guess?this helped cheer me up...thanks to my friend Trevor who wrote this..Don't worry about me i'll be fine never needing what's mine. Oh no never wanting what i've got only what I want never having courage to stop in my parade of things.don't worry i'll be fine now and every time you think about me.I do see my problems but they aren't what I want so just stop being worried.i'll be fine nevermind about me only go care for yourself cause i'll be just fine.All I need is what I have and all my faith in God he'll lead me through what I need what i've got is what I got through him. so don't worry if you hurt me he's there to help me through it all never ending love he puts me through this but I take it like I mean it so just don't worry about me just stop that's all I need is what I got and what God does for me is all I need....
ok and last but not least...
I LOVE HILARY DUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Will somebody out there please Cheer me up...my life is a total wreck now and im feeling so down..and i really dont know what to do anymore..this totally sucks...and i just found out something abour rah..and it makes me sad really sad...i wish that i could be there for her..i really wish that i could fly over there now..to cheer her up and to make her day..im sure she'd be thrilled if i flew over there now..and yes im going thru a really tough time now..and i dont feel like working im like damn lazy lol...i dont wanna work but i need money lol sigh ok i still havent gotten over the person yet damn its soo damn freaking hard...it sucks..i try really hard but its not working..i've got advice to listen to heaps of music and make sure it isnt sad ones or break up ones but happy ones so that it cheers me up..now im gonna try that and see how it goes..! i wanna give a shout out to all my friends who have been there for me! thanks heaps!
Monday, September 19, 2005
yay stephanie is back whoots! i love stephanie! she soo rocks! the best person ever in the world..YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! Stephanie is back on Survivor! i hope she wins this time i tell you she's like the best ever! she deserves to win and no one else does cause she rocks and she tried so hard the last time but she didnt win so she has to win this time....i dont care you better not vote her off the island or else..or else urm i dunno ahah i'll hate you?i'll make hate sites on you yes i would do that lol..ok whatever im crapping now im just soo happy i love stephaine! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!win survivor! whooots yay!
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Basically its just bad and ugly and disgusting, filled with pain, hurt and with puke adding to it. Im not gonna do it again..im sure of it cause i dont wanna feel so wasted for one whole day..i could've done soo much just in one day. But with all the nasty things going on at the same time, i've come to a conclusion, a realisation. There is only one way out of my misery, and it is to let the person go. Im gonna let the person be free to find someone else...someone else that probably is better than me and smoeone that will care for the person more than i did..i've learnt this, You cant keep something that you never had and you cant lose something that you never had. I never really had the person so technically i didnt lose the person and technically i cant keep the person either cause i didnt have that person so yeah its over now and i can safely say that i am going to let go and fly away..and be free again and let the person be free as well..thanks alot for giving me this really weird experience that i've had and i know i will always rmb it i dunno how beacuse im gonna swear to never rmb a single thing that i've done or said but im gonna look back and laugh because if its over let it go and come tomorrow, it will seem so yesterday..
My life is totally shitty now...Look im even listening to a song that i hated soo much(notice its in past tense lol) yeah its Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson i soo hate that song cause its too overplayed and it was better on trl than wake up..lol well urm now that its retired i dont really hate it that much but thats not the point at all its all crap..i just basically hated that song..but now, i feel it totally describes my life right now..here i am really torn into pieces, broken up deep inside and yet i cant cry cause i wont cry..i dont cry that easily..unfortunately Priya would just love to see me cry ahha but thats never gonna happen!
Anyways yes im just soo hurt right now and i dunno what to do..i tried getting drunk and all but it just hurt even more..thanks to SOMEONE who inflicted soo much pain onto me...well yeah it just sucked i tell you these two days of my life has to be like the worst days of my life ever i got heartbroken and my head hurts..so in a nut shell my WHOLE body just hurts right now...every part...thanks so some F****** C*** ok whatever i dunno if the person is reading this right now but whateve cause i dont F****** care anymore..my life sucks and thats it..and my results are gonna come out soon thanks alot man i know it isnt gonna be that good so what more can i ask for? My life sucks and im stupid and oh my piano results are gonna come out soon too thanks alot..now my life sucks, im stupid and im untalentated...my lifes a F****** piece of shit!
To that person out there, im sorry that it didnt work out for us..i tried really hard..but apparently from what you're telling me its not me but its you..so yeah i know im like a freaking bastard now and stuff but im sure in due time i'll forgive you just give me more time aight? i just cant handle all these things that are going on ard me right now..and my family's f****** up as well now so yeah im trying really hard to overcome this right now so i know we'll still be friends and i respect you for your decisions that you've made..and i dont blame you but just rmb that you're the first person i've eever really liked completely..and that never happens at all so yeah but im gonna get over this..so rock on! whoots ok this is soo stupid but whatever im totally contradicting myself..
Friday, September 16, 2005
Ok i really dont know what to do with my life now..no amount of anything can do anything to change the way i feel right now..maybe i should write that in a song well anyways, i've lost everything that i have in my life, which includes to my dismay Hilary and everyone else in the world that i ever cared for..i know my friends are still there for me when i need them but theres only so much that they can do and i have to pull thru and here's a song that has been helping me... its by The All-American Rejects..its like the best song ok not as good as fly but i love it...
Straightjacket Feeling
Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you
And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away
Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you
Right now i feel that this song means soo much to me and i dunno i just hope this f***ed up life ends soon
Im really high now(thanks to some drinks hahah) if you dont believe you can ask priya and yes im here to write a list of my wedding songs that im going to play in my wedding (:
1. A moment like this - Kelly Clarkson
2. Because of you - Kelly Clarkson
3. Dancing in the moonlight - Toploader
4. Incomplete - Backstreetboys
5. Eternal Flame - Atomic Kitten
6. Crazy in love - Beyonce Knowles
7. Too Lost in you - Sugarbabes
8. Best in me - Blue
9. Come what may - Ewan Mcgregor and Nicole Kidman
10. You are my rock - Delta Goodrem
11. Because you live - Jesse McCartney
12. You raise me up - Josh Gorban
13. I need you - Leann Rhimes
ok these are the tentative ones hahahha ok im going crazy!whooo hoo rhum rocks ahahah!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
OK its not entirely done yet but here it is..there would be some slight adjustments once the tune is put in! its a song i wrote specially for Priya to help her get thru her tough times hope she loves it! This doenst mean that we're together its just a song that i wrote for her to help her when she's down...
Standing All Alone
You don't know what you do
When you tell me that you love me
All I want to hear
Is that you don't love me anymore
It makes it so hard for me to let you go
When you whisper in my ear
All the words that I want to hear
But not anymore,
Im going to be stronger by myself
I don't need you by my side
Just Shut up and go away
Chorus:
I hate you, but yet I love you so
I want to let you go
You said you cared when you didn't mean it
All you did was left me in the cold
Now im on my own
Here I am, shining on alone.
Everytime I try to walk away,
I hear your voice lingering inside my head
Like some kinda freak you irritate me
I don't wanna carry on like this
Cause I wanna break free from you
From all the things you've said and done
Im not gonna believe those lies
But not anymore,
Im going to be stronger by myself
I don't need you by my side
Just Shut up and go away
Chorus
When im down and feeling sad
I know I can only depend on myself
I know I don't need you
Because I can stand strong on my own
All alone
End: Here I am without you all alone.
Shining so bright
Thanks to you,
Im standing all alone
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Today was one of the worst days of my life ever...ok maybe its not the worst but its close...
I started off the day really bad..tho i had a good nights rest i woke up at like about 11 and i went online to look at the results for the match between Justine Henin-Hardenne and Mary Pierce. I was devasted when i found out that she lost and she lost really badly..in fact it was kinda like without a fight! i was like wtf????????????i was soo freaking mad!!!!!!!!i mean she has never lost to her before only now sigh it really sucks big time!
To that special someone out there, i'll be waiting for you beacuse you live, my world has twice as many stars and you just never fail to light me up when im down. thanks!
Here are some hot pics of rachel i just love her so much!
ryan
twentytwo
orange
black
myipod
Letting it out
CarrieUnderwood
JonMcLaughlin
Paramore
TheVeronicas
RyanCabrera
JoJo
RachelBilson
Paramore
JustineHenin
Yellowcard
AndyRoddick
RepeatOffender
TheO.C
Alias
quiksilver
ripcurl
obsession
The Veronicas
VeronicasFans
My Myspace
Credits
nachoswiththat for the banner
Previous Dirty Secrets
March 2005
April 2005
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twentytwo
orange
black
myipod
Letting it out
CarrieUnderwood
JonMcLaughlin
Paramore
TheVeronicas
RyanCabrera
JoJo
RachelBilson
Paramore
JustineHenin
Yellowcard
AndyRoddick
RepeatOffender
TheO.C
Alias
quiksilver
ripcurl
obsession
The Veronicas
VeronicasFans
My Myspace
Credits
nachoswiththat for the banner
Previous Dirty Secrets
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
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