Ever wondered why sometimes when you meet up with your close friend after months of not seeing that person or talking to that person for months, you have nothing to say to them and its not like what it was before? Maybe you have spoken to that person but it was a mere oh how are you, how's school, how's life?? coping well? Got Bf or Gf? You know all those questions to ask when you have nothing to say.
Well lately i've been thinking about it and i realized that i actually had a lot of close friends, notice the past tense, in life in the course of growing up. The sad thing is that i dont talk to most of them anymore, not that we argued and stop being friends or anything or we were angry at each other, but it was just the mere lack of communication, that caused the breakdown in our friendship. It sad because i really had a lot of close friends that meant so much to me but i just stopped talking to them, either because we're in a different school and i dont have their msn addresses or i just totally stop txting them because both of our lives are just so different and its just so hard to catch up because we're too busy. Like i have SOOO many friends like that, and i really was really close to them and we told each other everything and now i mean i still feel close to them when i meet them and i know i can always talk to them if i need help or anything cause i know they'll be there but it just sucks.
Then theres the OTHER group of friends that fight with you, those that hate you for one reason or another and think that difference is a bad thing. Those that were once close to you but for reasons which were unknown to you before but suddenly the sun came out from the cloudy sky shown on the earth and showed you the exact reason why they were such assholes and jerks. Is it a bad thing to feel nothing for them? That nothingness just comes into your mind when you think back years down the road? Or that even every good memory you had with them has been washed away from the rain? Well i honestly think we shouldnt care about people like that. Why? because they dont deserve our pity. You see the thing is that its not like we dont want to be their friends, but they just choose not to want to be our friends. However there is a twist, to say that you must at least make an effort to try to be their friends again, but usually you get turned down. At least you know your conscience is clear and you tried to mend the broken friendship but however its a 2 way thing and if the other party doesnt want to try then why bother? So it just all boils down to one question, did you even mean anything to them in the first place or you were just some toy they decided to play or experiment with? After toying with your emotions for a while, they kinda got bored of you and said 'OH maybe we werent made for each other, you're not the toy i want, people have been saying bad things about you and i dont want to play with you anymore!' And then decide you werent giving them as much pleasure as they expected you to, so they DUMP you and leave you hanging there thinking what you did wrong in sadness. When you ask for an explanation, they come up with crap about how you werent the toy that they were looking for when you know that there were other reasons but they just had no balls to admit.
Well thats just life i guess? Nothing you can really do about it.
Then there are friends who you know that you can ALWAYS depend on even when the conversations that you have with them arent frequent. However the intensity of the conversations that you have overwrites the frequency of your conversations. Theres just so much going on when the 2 of you communicate with each other and you feel so much in that conversation. That friend motivates you when you tell them all your problems and you get uplifted. Realization kicks in and you get enlightened! Both of you share the same sentiments and you are convicted about what you discuss and you act on it. Its these friends that you should keep because they are the ones that can see you thru life because you know that though the both of you are busy with your own lives, you learn make time for each other no matter what the circumstances. And when the both of you do talk, its just like iron sharpening iron and you know that you'll get thru life easier because that person is going thru the same thing as you. And even if they arent, you know that they will try their best to give you advise to the best of their knowledge or at least be your crying shoulder so that you can lean on. When you're down they pick you up, they tell you things that you wished someone would tell you. They'd go all out for you no matter where they are and sacrifice what they have for you because they know that if it was them that was going thru a rough patch, you'd do the same for them as well because they mean so much to you. They never fail to make you happy and they are the ones that make it last forever! (:
2 people i want to thank,
Mike - you're the most amazing person ever! thanks heaps mate
Kandy - I love you (:
As the title says, SUPPORT AUSTRALIAN MUSIC!!! I shall dedicate August, the Australian Month!!! which means that everyone is encouraged to listen to at least 5 Songs sung by Australian Artiste per day.. See its not too much aye?? Just 5 songs only (: This will be in commemoration with national day (: OMG like im sooo excited for National Day this year..like i heard its going to be held on water.. Like omg that is soo coool (: like National Day is like floating on water..
meh ok whatever sooo yes EVERYONE celebrate AUSTRALIAN month ok???? hahah YAY (:
And also, if you ask me for songs, i'll only send you Australian Singers. Anyone else im sorry i cant send it to you OK?? ask me next month or noww faster before it becomes Australian Month. IM soo excited (: SOO yes HAPPY AUSTRALIA MONTH..
i shall do a write up as to why we're supposed to do this very soon ok??? BYEEEE
till then...
Come on baby we aint gonna live 4ever
let me show you all the things that we could do!
Sooo whats been happening in my life??? One word, NOTHING.
i dont really know whats going on right now, im dreading everyday. Going to school with a heavy heart, coming home with one. It just doesnt seem right anymore. Life feels so jaded and it seems that although im surrounded by a sea of people that im friends with and that i know personally, im still all alone on my own and i really honestly have no friends at all. Im not undermining any of my friends or anything you guys are great but im just soo lost and extremely jaded so its not really your fault. Waving to so many people never felt so bad in my life. I just feel that no ones there for me anymore. God im getting so emo...
Maybe its cause i lost something? but i dont know why every time i see anything i get upset and angry? Why do yo hate me so much? You act as tho i've done something to you, something so bad you cant even look me in the eye. Im like an enemy, a stranger. I think if anyone has any right to feel angry and upset it should be me. But yet i dont feel that way because i dont wanna bare any grudges anymore. So thats just life i guess? Friends come and go, and then come again and then go..some you can never hold on to..
I've been contacting old friends lately, just recently my primary school friend messaged me and we started talking and also my sec school friend messaged me too soo i hope all these go well because i would really need their support right now (: i need something to hold on to. I feel that all of a sudden i have no one to depend on and im all alone in the world. I just want someone to be there for me to show me support and tell me that im doing fine!
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Dude, you're one of my best mates ever and it upsets me to see you in this messed up state. You honestly dont deserve to be treated the way you are right now and i hope you learn to try and stand on your own and starting thinking about yourself instead of always thinking of other people. You've done enough thinking about others, its time you started caring about yourself! You know im here for you and i'll always support you no matter what. Dont let the friendship you have with her go down the drain, FIGHT for it. I'll do anything and everything i can to keep you guys together. She's the one thing that made a difference in your life and if she stops now, i know you'd be devastated as much as you tell me you're fine, i know you're not. You cant really lie to me..Soo i just wanna tell you to FIGHT ok NEVER EVER GIVE UP! The fight isnt over until its really over and if you dont give it a chance, then no one can!
I just wanted to compare like last year and this year and i must say so much has changed over the past few months. And its only 6 months..but yes im happy with my new list (:
Top Songs for 06.
50. Nick Lachey - I Can't Hate You Anymore
49. The Veronicas - A Teardrop Hitting The Ground
48. Cassie - Long Way To Go
47. The Veronicas - How Long
46. Jesse McCartney - Right Where You Want Me
45. Jojo - How To Touch A Girl
44. Fergie - London Bridge
43. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
42. Ryan Cabrera - I Will Remember You
41. Kaci Brown - SOS
40. The Veronicas - Speechless
39. Howie Day - Collide
38. Kate DeAraugo - Faded
37. The Veronicas - I Could Get Used To This
36. The Veronicas - Mother Mother
35. Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland - Promiscuous
34. Ryan Cabrera - True
33. Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens - Breaking Free
32. The Veronicas - Did Ya Think
31. Ryan Cabrera - From The Start
30. Katharine McPhee - Somewhere Over The Rainbow
29. The Veronicas - Secret
28. The Afters - Beautiful Love
27. Sugababes - Follow Me Home (Amelle Mix)
26. Ryan Cabrera - Shine On
25. Hilary Duff - Fly = Last Years Number 1
24. Lifehouse - You And Me
23. Nick Lachey - What's Left Of Me
22. The All-American Rejects - It Ends Tonight
21. The Veronicas - Stay
20. Beyonce - Irreplaceable
19. Kaci Brown - Instigator
18. Delta Goodrem - Together We Are One
17. Katharine McPhee - My Destiny
16. The All-American Rejects - Move Along
15. The Pussycat Dolls - Buttons
14. Jojo - Too Little Too Late (Spanish Version)
13. The Veronicas - Heavily Broken
12. Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You
11. The Veronicas - Revolution
10. Ryan Cabrera - Photo
9. Kaci Brown - Unbelievable
8. The Veronicas - Mouth Shut
7. The Veronicas - Leave Me Alone
6. The Veronicas - Nobody Wins
5. Ryan Cabrera - Fall Baby Fall
4. The Veronicas - When It All Falls Apart
3. Jojo - Too Little Too Late
2. The Veronicas - Everything I'm Not
1. The Veronicas - 4ever
This years list, for now..
50. Justin Timberlake - Summer Love
49. Sugababes - Follow Me Home
48. Fergie - Glamorous
47. Daughtry - Home
46. Tammin - Whatever Will Be
45. Justin Timberlake - (Another Song) All Over Again
44. Jojo - Note To God
43. Jojo - Exceptional
42. Lifehouse - First Time
41. Carrie Underwood - Wasted
40. Katharine McPhee - Love Story
39. Carrie Underwood - Jesus Take The Wheel
38. Repeat Offender - Broken Wings
37. Ryan Cabrera - Photo
36. Britney Spears - Everytime
35. Beyonce - Irreplaceable
34. Jojo - How To Touch A Girl
33. Repeat Offender - To A Modern Love
32. Britney Spears - I'm A Slave 4 U
31. Paramore - Born For This
30. Dean Geyer - If You Don't Mean It
29. Kelly Clarkson - Sober
28. Pararmore - CrushCrushCrush
27. Jojo - Anything
26. The Veronicas - Leave Me Alone
25. Jojo - Coming For You
24. Paramore - Pressure
23. Atomic Kitten - Eternal Flame
22. Hilary Duff - Fly
21. The Veronicas - Mouth Shut
20. Katharine McPhee - Over It
19. Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You
18. Ryan Cabrera - Shine On
17. Justin Timberlake - Sexyback
16. Paramore - Emergency
15. Maroon 5- Makes Me Wonder
14. The Veronicas - Worlds Apart
13. Jojo - Too Little Too Late (Spanish)
12. Kelly Clarkson - Never Again
11. The Veronicas - Everything I Need
10. Vanessa Hudgens - Say Ok
9. The Veronicas - Nobody Wins
8. Hilary Duff - Stranger
7. Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats
6. Hilary Duff - With Love
5. The Veronicas - Everything I'm Not
4. The Veronicas - When It All Falls Apart
3. Ryan Cabrera - Remember To Remember
2. The Veronicas - 4ever
1. Jojo - Too Little Too Late
So whats been happening in the boring life of Mr. Ryan Tan?? funny you should ask, he's busy being extremely happy over the fact that Ms. Avril Lavigne is getting her freaking ass sued by various people. why?? Because she cant write, sing, produce, act and everything. She was just a mistake to be placed on this earth itself. Ok maybe not "I'm With You" was a brilliant song i must add because i love it (: ok maybe she deserves to be in this world after all because "My Happy Ending" was good too (:
butt yesss she's been stealing other people's stuff..soo not cool! and i cant believe people are still obsessed over her songs? get over it, like HELLLO she cant write and we all know that. Dont even get me started on her singing career. Why???she doesnt have one because she cant sing. Have you heard her singing live? its awful and painful to the ears and she just sounds soo bad she's completely out of tune, off key and just plain screechy! I dread all her performances. Have you seen the ones on the Grammys and the MTV Asia Awards?? its HORRID!
to think i was once obsessed over someone who cant sing, i mean when she performs girlfriend, its like WHOAAA painful and just horrible and dont even get me started on When You're Gone, because she just kills the song immediately. I know katie loves Innocence, but i bet when she sings that she dies immediately and katie might just change her impression of that song, i hope (:
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So yes i've been trying to play Mr. Nice, by being someone im not because im trying to change and be nice to everyone around me. This does not mean you can just step all over me and talk behind my back and tell your little group of friends about what an ass i am, i mean why not take a look in the mirror and im sure you'll see an ass too (: You think you're sooo danm cool now ehhh? that OHHH you've beaten me and you have the last laugh, but whatever man....butt yeah its funny how you're like doing all these things now, i mean if i wanted to, i could. But i just choose not to because i dont want to stoop to your level. And furthermore, trust me im 1000 times worse than you if i actually tried, i mean i just dont want to do what i did before otherwise you'll know what happens.
After all that has been said, i just wanna say im happy with the route that ive chosen, i couldnt have taken a better one because being the bigger person and not repaying evil for evil is good and i know that its gonna be alright because i believe in myself (:
Till next time yall,
Come on baby we aint gonna live 4ever
Let me show you all the things that we could do
OHHH its july and that means that the top songs for half of this year is due, wokay i'll go and take it and compare it with last years ok?? real soon!
Sometimes i ask myself why i still even bother feeling sad and when i think of you it just makes it worse.
Seeing you didnt really help either. I mean like out of all places, ok well not really but i mean its just i dont know what went wrong with us and i can swear to everyone that i tried to save what we had, but you just totally ignored it. I know i've lost every feeling i felt for you but i dont know why when i saw you something inside me just went like crap omg shit shit shit and its just that you get the feeling that your feet start to shake for no rhyme or reason and you start to sweat and your speech gets impaired and i dont know WHYYYYYYY...could it be that i still feel what i felt before?? i really hope it isnt because i know i've moved on and theres someone else that i really like now and you coming back into the picture just gives me the shits.
like i bet you break everyones heart and you know you cant hold on to your friends at all for long. Its not only me but i've seen it happen to quite a number of your friends you know and you just waste your life away just like that every week? you know you're not in the position to be doing such things and you have family issues too so at least you should be thinking about others and not just only yourself all the time. Cause i mean i bet the reason why it failed with everyone else including me was because the person you put first was yourself and you really didnt care about what the other party felt at that point in time. You say you're not selfish but i mean ok maybe if its just only 1 person that thinks that its fine but its more than 1 sooo yeah i mean, just think about your life and what you wanna do with it! I dont wanna sound as if im giving you a lecture or anything because im not in the position to do so, but as your ex-friend, i just want to say that i've forgiven you for everything that you've done to me and trust me you've hurt me so bad that no one has ever hurt before and you were just really mean about it and it took me a LONG time to get over the whole thing. BUTTTT i just want you to be a better person thats all and maybe try to be the bigger man?? i dont know..
im just well not starstruck but just really weirded out about the whole encounter. And you didnt even bother saying hi or waving..great!!!
After all thats happened, i guess i really didnt have a chance to say anything to you guys at all. But i guess i just wanna make it publicly known the feelings i have. At least everyone would know for sure how i feel.
I admit that i was extremely disappointed and angry when i first heard what happened. The thing is that i already guessed it and i just needed confirmation to it and true enough it came. I tried to tell myself that i was merely thinking too much but to my dismay it wasnt the case. The pain i went though was excruciating. It was not so much about what happened that i was upset about but what i heard and my worst fears came to past. You know just your whole world falling apart? That was what i felt, i mean people that i trusted so much. But ANYWAYS thats not the point now. Why? Because it already happened and theres nothing i can do about it. I just wanna say that i've forgiven everyone of you and i dont hold any grudges against anyone at all.
So i wanna say that im sorry for being what i was. And from here on end, im just gonna forget about everything that happened. If you feel led to come talk to me about it, by all means, just know that im willing to be your friend again and at least try to build what we lost. To everyone out there that i've hurt in one way or another, i also wanna say im sorry, i know im not the nicest person around but at least im trying now and please forgive me for that.
Also to everyone that has hurt me in someway or another, i just wanna say that you're forgiven and im glad you're happy where you're at now and i wish you all the best in your future! I also wanna say thanks for being there before, i'll always remember everything we went through togehter.
Cheers!
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