I guess you're just so sick of everything that you feel that you're soo over everything and you really dont care about anything else?
yeah thats what im feeling now but meh i dont really care!!!! so yes (:
here are the pics from last friday (:
Sy and me at gerards awesome pool LOL
us at the rooftop! wl, sy, gerard, me and wine
amanda and me outside THE house
partayyyyy at my house!!!
birthday girl!!!!
I've realized thanks to wines help that i've been living a fake life all this while. A life that really isnt there at all..because apparently im just not good enough for my parents. Im not a piano protege, not a sports man, and not a genius. Sigh isnt it sad that im not anyone of this? Otherwise i would have been like my parents pride and joy, well maybe not actually. Because no matter what i do, be it excel in something, im just never good enough. You know its not that im jealous or anything? I'd be totally fine if they are actually happy with what im doing but the only thing that they are happy about is him so yes i derno why i even exist sometimes..
Everyone around me thinks that im living the life, the glamorous life that i get everything that i want and my parents are really nice to me..well its not true at all to popular belief haha..
Let me throw a question to you. If im living the life and getting everything i want, why am i still working? Making money for myself so that i can try to support myself with the mere allowance that i get? And that wonderful little angel who sits in sports school and stretches out his arm and gets everything he wants, isnt that just adorable? I myself think its really cute (:
Well its simple my friends, i never get what i want at all..haha i may sound spoilt but trust me i dont think i really am..unlike some people.
However i do have to say that i live a forced life. A life that my parents wished that they lived when they were young. Something they want us, me and my sister to achieve because they didnt. In other words we're living their dreams or what they hope. You know my sister actually cried because of making a decision on where to go after her o's i mean yes its stressful but to cry over it, its not like her. She is strong and doesnt succumb to all these things. But she's acting this way because my parents are forcing her to go jc but she doesnt want to go to jc because she knows that she wont be able to make it as it would be too stressful for her. Yes they say oh its ok you know we know you dont want to go to jc but by going to jc its easier for you to get into a uni (ESPECIALLY A SINGAPORE ONE) but yes its your decision after all(BUT GO TO JC OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) LIES im telling you LIES what they say isnt true at all they f***ing force us to do everything and apparently everything we do isnt good enough for them.
Like how i got a distinction for french in schoool, apparently it wasnt good enough for my parents? They were not really happy with it and were quite angry. And also i halved my o's but still it wasnt good enough. My mum said i could do better and she wasnt really very happy with it, you can tell from the tone of her voice. And also i recently started to give tuition, and my parents werent really happy with it. Why you may ask hahaha even tho i increased my income from 5.50 per hour to 18.50 per hour. Well its simple my dear friends, my mum said you should have taught piano instead you can make more money. You know just scold scold a bit and then you can get more money than giving tution, why so stupid should give piano tution what..its much better. My father says ya ya see so wasted never give piano lesson, can right you should give its much better..wow how supportive, here i am trying to make money and they still arent happy?
You know for someone who has talent, skill, and everything but no passion, doesnt make someone excited for doing anything at all. So what if i can play the piano. So what if i have talent? So what if im good? So what if i can teach? So what? In the end it all boils down to just one word and only one word. Passion my dear friends and if passion isnt there whats the use of doing something you dont really like? You'll just end up not liking it and finding it a drag to do it. Just like my sister, if she goes to jc she'll suffer really badly because 1. she has no passion for it and 2. she wouldnt be able to cope. So why do something that you know you're not capable of? You must as well do something that you know you can handle and excel in it and do well..
To think my parents always teach us principles, what they say isnt always what they actually mean! I've done so many things for them but apparently it just isnt enough. What is then? I try so hard to please you to do the best that i can but it just isnt enough? Im more well behaved and i dont cause trouble and im doing everything you tell me to but its just still not good enough.
im thinking of just quiting schoool and going to work and making some money and after that im gonna go away and never coming back. To a place that they'd least expect me to go to. Maybe china or somewhere at least a place where i have friends that are not friends with my parents..you know i really dont know what i'd do other than law in uni. If i cant get into law in NUS or SMU then thats it. There goes my education so why continue? I have no future because theres no use in going on. There just nothing left for me to say and i really dont give a f*** anymore i seriously cant be bothered..like when i told my mum my accounting results she wasnt even happy. I bet if i got4 for my gpa they wouldnt be happy either.. so yes nothing i do ever pleases them unlike that soon to be olympic champion that is gonna be the greatest badminton player ever..he's the best man we should all support him and worship him cause he's the greatest person ever in the entire world WHOOOOOOO YAY GO HIM!!!!
OMG im soo happy that i have a soon to be olympic champion brother. OMG imagine all the fame and glory! i am SOOOOOOOOOOO excited omg hahaha its soo interesting! yaynesss..
but by the time that happens its gonna be too little too late because i'd be gone by that time so yes its just too little too late. I mean its better that way isnt it? You'd have ALL the time to spent with him and celebrate with him and i wouldnt be there to ruin everything wouldnt i like i always do? I wouldnt be the one pouring cold water on anyone because he already IS a star and you'd be so proud of your own bread champion who lived the life that you wanted him to and he's so perfect to you in everyway. isnt that amazing! its every parents dream for their dream child to fulfill all their dreams and visions that they set for their children, well in this case child.
it would be good that im out of the picture. Now i only pity my sister whos stuck in this still. I hope she breaks out of this cast system. I will pray hard that she breaks free from it too i know she has the capabilities to tho..i believe in her unlike some people..
oh well till next time people the chapter shall unfold again!
Seriously some people are just sooooo anal and omg pissfying!!!!!!!!!! Like OK my GPA isnt good enough alright i didnt get above 3 get f***ing OVER IT!!! THERE IS NO F***ING WAY I CAN GET INTO NUS ALRIGHT DEAL WITH IT!!!! LET ME REPEAT IT IN CASE YOU DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY, I CANT GET INTO NUS LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONLY PEOPLE WITH GPA 3.85 CAN HAVE A CHANGE OF GETTING INTO NUS LAW OK!!!! THEY CAN ONLY GET A F***ING INTERVIEW AND IT DOESNT DETERMINE THAT THEY CAN GET INTO THE SCHOOOL!!!!!
so what im not good enough for you huh? Not as SMARRT as your other son not as good in anyway as your other son? i still dont f***ing understand whats wrong? like im SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more well behaved then he is..i dont get into trouble at school, i dont scream and shout at people in a rude manner? and yes omg i dont wanna repeat myself again!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh
OK I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT HONESTLY! SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SON, WHY CANT YOU GET INTO NUS LAW????WHY NOT YOU MUST WORK HARDER!!! F*** YOU I ALREADY TOLD YOU THERE IS NO F***ING WAY I CAN DO IT. try smu lar, my mum says. Oh if i want to get in there i must as well just start working. i already told you a zillion times, if i go smu i'd rather do something else because the law they offer isnt what i want to do..
so yes the subject about going overseas is brought up yet again and the same answer comes into mind again..fine i resent to the fact that i cant go overseas..but stop f***ing tellling me what to do because you have no idea what you're f***ing talking about..you think EVERYTHIING in life is f***ing easy when it isnt at all..everything has to f***ing go your way doesnt it?but im sorry it doesnt f***ing go your way!
argh whatever honestly i dont really give a f*** anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First you say im fickle minded and i dont like law i dont want to do law and i wanan do mass com, yes thats true but that was when i first started poly..hello i was SOOO young and didnt wanna do law..cause i didnt like it but now im in love with it and you DONT want me to do law cause you think i will change my mind again...FINE i'll do something in sg..anyways i wouldntlike it anwyways. i dont have a future anymore so who cares!!!
f*** YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG i have such great friends in school (: that are soooo nice and they are the bestest in the entire whole wide world, yes ok fine, i used alot of adjectives to describe the world..what do you expect?im giving tuiton now ahhaha im just kidding!!!!
Anyways omg its like a dream come true man..really i cant believe the things that my friends have done for me its just like wow i really am speechless and i dont know what to say i was soo shocked i just didnt expect anything to happen. Before i elaborate on that let me back track one week..
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So yes it finally was our fam law outing WHOOOOOOOOOOOO hahahahaha..it was shopping day last friday where WL, Amanda, Wine, SY went around town to shop..first we went to crystal jade ahha RICH people. But yes i agreed to go and the food was amazing..and do take note that im not really a big fan of chinese food, but i absolutely love crystal jade haha (: then it was shopping shopping and more shopping!!!
We went to catch Babel at the cathay and i must say it was a good show. not what i expected, not really from the plot but what happened in the movie it was like really though provoking and its amazing how people in so many different places can actually be interconnected with one another in a really really strange way.
Rachel joined us after the movie and it was more shopping and more shopping hahaha..and of course more taking of pictures.
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I wasnt really myself for the past few days and almost 2 weeks after what happened, but i guess with friends all around me, its a confirm booster for me to be cheerful again and happy. My friends surprised me with a box of chocs and i was soo touched i really didnt know what to say. I swear i was about to cry i mean i was like OMG you know what?huh?OMG shit hahahaha but they were soo nice (: yes hahahahahahah
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We celebrated Sy's birthday today ahahhaha damn funny!!!!!as usual we had soo much fun today it was hilarious..ok im too tired to blog i'll blog tmr with pics promise!
Sometimes, you just feel that theres nothing you can really do about anything? Why bother doing anything anyways? It might not even be your fault..
why do i even bother really..i just stand there by the corner looking at you, you talk to your so called friends as tho they really are your friends, who knows what they say behind your back. You think they really are your friends at all? I derno why im your friend theres never a time when you talk to me just because you want to but only when you need something or want something. I cant never seem to get your attention and if i dont do something for you you get pissed. But its funny how when someones name is mentioned, you go all out for that person and how you're sooooooo over that person, you say theres nothing going on, but everyone knows that there is something going on..you're like oh this and that and omg its just annoying. Simple things you cant even do for me like remembering..when you remeber every other single detail about that someone..argh it annoys the f*** out of me!
DIE BITCHES DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im sick of all the crap and all the shit..i really dont like where i am right now..i really need to go to aus right now..away from all this..i miss melbourne and sydney..and i miss all my veronicas fans..yes they live far away and the only means of communication we have is the internet and our mobile phones. Sometimes i feel that what i have with them is more real than any of my friends that i have that i actually meet up with..actually its what happens most of the time..i really can tell them everything. at least they'll listen and NO they arent fake people that wanna cheat me, i've met a few of them and yes they are all friends with one another so it cant be a big scandal.
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you are such an asss..i derno what im gonna do next week..im such a mess!!
i need to let you go NOW..but i just cant seem to do that..and it really sucks..
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