I've realized thanks to wines help that i've been living a fake life all this while. A life that really isnt there at all..because apparently im just not good enough for my parents. Im not a piano protege, not a sports man, and not a genius. Sigh isnt it sad that im not anyone of this? Otherwise i would have been like my parents pride and joy, well maybe not actually. Because no matter what i do, be it excel in something, im just never good enough. You know its not that im jealous or anything? I'd be totally fine if they are actually happy with what im doing but the only thing that they are happy about is him so yes i derno why i even exist sometimes..
Everyone around me thinks that im living the life, the glamorous life that i get everything that i want and my parents are really nice to me..well its not true at all to popular belief haha..
Let me throw a question to you. If im living the life and getting everything i want, why am i still working? Making money for myself so that i can try to support myself with the mere allowance that i get? And that wonderful little angel who sits in sports school and stretches out his arm and gets everything he wants, isnt that just adorable? I myself think its really cute (:
Well its simple my friends, i never get what i want at all..haha i may sound spoilt but trust me i dont think i really am..unlike some people.
However i do have to say that i live a forced life. A life that my parents wished that they lived when they were young. Something they want us, me and my sister to achieve because they didnt. In other words we're living their dreams or what they hope. You know my sister actually cried because of making a decision on where to go after her o's i mean yes its stressful but to cry over it, its not like her. She is strong and doesnt succumb to all these things. But she's acting this way because my parents are forcing her to go jc but she doesnt want to go to jc because she knows that she wont be able to make it as it would be too stressful for her. Yes they say oh its ok you know we know you dont want to go to jc but by going to jc its easier for you to get into a uni (ESPECIALLY A SINGAPORE ONE) but yes its your decision after all(BUT GO TO JC OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) LIES im telling you LIES what they say isnt true at all they f***ing force us to do everything and apparently everything we do isnt good enough for them.
Like how i got a distinction for french in schoool, apparently it wasnt good enough for my parents? They were not really happy with it and were quite angry. And also i halved my o's but still it wasnt good enough. My mum said i could do better and she wasnt really very happy with it, you can tell from the tone of her voice. And also i recently started to give tuition, and my parents werent really happy with it. Why you may ask hahaha even tho i increased my income from 5.50 per hour to 18.50 per hour. Well its simple my dear friends, my mum said you should have taught piano instead you can make more money. You know just scold scold a bit and then you can get more money than giving tution, why so stupid should give piano tution what..its much better. My father says ya ya see so wasted never give piano lesson, can right you should give its much better..wow how supportive, here i am trying to make money and they still arent happy?
You know for someone who has talent, skill, and everything but no passion, doesnt make someone excited for doing anything at all. So what if i can play the piano. So what if i have talent? So what if im good? So what if i can teach? So what? In the end it all boils down to just one word and only one word. Passion my dear friends and if passion isnt there whats the use of doing something you dont really like? You'll just end up not liking it and finding it a drag to do it. Just like my sister, if she goes to jc she'll suffer really badly because 1. she has no passion for it and 2. she wouldnt be able to cope. So why do something that you know you're not capable of? You must as well do something that you know you can handle and excel in it and do well..
To think my parents always teach us principles, what they say isnt always what they actually mean! I've done so many things for them but apparently it just isnt enough. What is then? I try so hard to please you to do the best that i can but it just isnt enough? Im more well behaved and i dont cause trouble and im doing everything you tell me to but its just still not good enough.
im thinking of just quiting schoool and going to work and making some money and after that im gonna go away and never coming back. To a place that they'd least expect me to go to. Maybe china or somewhere at least a place where i have friends that are not friends with my parents..you know i really dont know what i'd do other than law in uni. If i cant get into law in NUS or SMU then thats it. There goes my education so why continue? I have no future because theres no use in going on. There just nothing left for me to say and i really dont give a f*** anymore i seriously cant be bothered..like when i told my mum my accounting results she wasnt even happy. I bet if i got4 for my gpa they wouldnt be happy either.. so yes nothing i do ever pleases them unlike that soon to be olympic champion that is gonna be the greatest badminton player ever..he's the best man we should all support him and worship him cause he's the greatest person ever in the entire world WHOOOOOOO YAY GO HIM!!!!
OMG im soo happy that i have a soon to be olympic champion brother. OMG imagine all the fame and glory! i am SOOOOOOOOOOO excited omg hahaha its soo interesting! yaynesss..
but by the time that happens its gonna be too little too late because i'd be gone by that time so yes its just too little too late. I mean its better that way isnt it? You'd have ALL the time to spent with him and celebrate with him and i wouldnt be there to ruin everything wouldnt i like i always do? I wouldnt be the one pouring cold water on anyone because he already IS a star and you'd be so proud of your own bread champion who lived the life that you wanted him to and he's so perfect to you in everyway. isnt that amazing! its every parents dream for their dream child to fulfill all their dreams and visions that they set for their children, well in this case child.
it would be good that im out of the picture. Now i only pity my sister whos stuck in this still. I hope she breaks out of this cast system. I will pray hard that she breaks free from it too i know she has the capabilities to tho..i believe in her unlike some people..
oh well till next time people the chapter shall unfold again!
twentytwo
orange
black
myipod
Letting it out
CarrieUnderwood
JonMcLaughlin
Paramore
TheVeronicas
RyanCabrera
JoJo
RachelBilson
Paramore
JustineHenin
Yellowcard
AndyRoddick
RepeatOffender
TheO.C
Alias
quiksilver
ripcurl
obsession
The Veronicas
VeronicasFans
My Myspace
Credits
nachoswiththat for the banner
Previous Dirty Secrets
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008